


Choices

by aschicca



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, mention of Justin/OMC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 20:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschicca/pseuds/aschicca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you need to live a different life to decide that what you really want is to go back to your own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009 for the "an OC brings angst to Brian and Justin" challenge at neverenough_bj.

Part 1

The first month Justin spent in New York there were daily emails and almost hourly phone calls. It seemed to Brian as if Justin wanted to completely involve him in his everyday life, almost as if the lad wished to pretend Brian was there with him. Justin, always the artist, described everything he saw, visited, and came in contact with, in a very detailed way and Brian truly felt as if he was seeing places, pictures, and people with his own eyes.

*

In New York Justin was sharing a small apartment with a guy he had met at PIFA… “Is he hot?” had been the first question out of Brian’s mouth when Justin had told him.

“Brian. He’s straight.”

“So? Is he hot?”

And, laughing, Justin had launched himself in a very elaborate description of the guy’s looks that left Brian with a perfect, and hot, picture in his mind. And Justin with a predictable response:

“Fuck him for me, will you?”

That particular phone call had ended with a heated session of phone sex.

*

‘The guy’ – hot or not, Brian couldn’t really be bothered to remember his name – had also helped Justin to find a job. He worked as a waiter in a restaurant not too different from the Diner.

“Is the food as impossible to eat there, too?” had been Brian’s comment on that occasion.

“Actually it’s not bad. For example, the other day I had this incredible…” and Justin had precisely depicted the sandwich he’d eaten. 

Brian made a stop at the Diner after that phone call. He suddenly felt hungry.

*

The email describing Justin’s first encounter with an agent was securely saved on Brian’s computer. Justin’s enthusiasm and his ecstatic recollection of the woman’s office, full of canvasses and frames and sculptures, had filled Brian’s mind with pictures of _Justin’s_ art exposed in that office and, more importantly, in the most prestigious galleries of the City. 

After reading that email, Brian had dug out the very first of Justin’s drawings he’d bought five years before, the drawing of himself lying naked and asleep on his own bed, and had stared at it all night.

* 

Emails and phone calls filled Brian’s days and he felt as close to Justin as, he supposed, Justin felt to him.

But the first month had passed and Justin’s life had become too busy for him to be able to call and write to Brian so often. Emails started to arrive once a week instead of once a day, and the phone calls were now mostly concentrated on the evenings, when Justin’s life calmed down and he retired to sleep.

Nothing really changed, though. Justin was still talking with Brian in details about his day, and Brian was still able to picture in his mind what he recounted. They were still close. Just busy.

* 

Seven months later, Justin had found himself so busy and so involved in his projects and his new life that he barely found the time to call Brian. He still sent him emails at least once a month but the details weren’t there anymore. Brian was not able anymore to see what Justin was seeing, taste what Justin had eaten, and enjoy what had made Justin happy.

“It’s not the lad’s fault,” Brian had found himself saying to Ted one night while they both were getting out of Kinnetik. “He’s busy, really busy. I can’t really expect him to find the time to call at every hour, can I?”

When Ted had asked why _Brian_ couldn’t call Justin or go see him, Brian had mumbled something about being busy too, trying hard not to think about Los Angeles and a similar conversation had a couple of years before, and had gone away, leaving Ted watching his retreating back with worried eyes.

*

One year after Justin had gone to New York, Brian’s phone rang. 

“Yeah.”

“Hey, Brian.”

“Well if it isn’t the famous Artiste. How are things in the Big Apple?”

“Fine, everything’s fine here. Listen, Brian, can you talk now? I’m not interrupting something, am I?”

“You’re not interrupting anything, Sunshine. What is it?”

“I… I met someone. Nothing happened, not yet. I didn’t want anything to happen until you and I had talked.” Justin drew a deep breath, emptying Brian’s lungs in the process, and then continued.

“I think this guy could be more than an occasional trick for me and I don’t want the situation to be as it was with Ethan. I won’t see him behind your back this time. This time, I’m talking to you. I think I want to try, Brian. I want to see what could happen. I’m not saying I love him and I’m not saying he’s the man of my life, far from that. But I want to try… because if I don’t… well I’d spend my life wondering what could have happened, and I don’t want that either. It’s a bit of a fucked up situation because my feelings for you haven’t changed but at the same time… I want him. I’m… I think I’m gonna try, Brian.”

Only silence met Justin’s speech for a long while. Then Brian spoke: “Your choice, Justin. I always said that, didn’t I? You choose.”

“Can we still talk, Brian? I don’t want this to be the end of everything… please.”

“As I said: your choice. You want to talk, talk.”

“Thank you… Later?”

“Later.”

And that was the beginning of “Mr. Perfect”’s era.

*** 

Brian and Justin still talked. Justin told him about his frustration with a new painting, about his hand that sometime still acted up, about his fucked up boss at the restaurant, who got caught by his wife with his pants down getting fucked by the cook, and about how the scorned woman called the Hygiene Office and got the restaurant to close for a whole month. They still talked about everything, but Justin never said a word about Mr. Perfect. Brian wasn’t about to ask.

Everyone knew about Justin’s new beau and practically everyone had also seen a picture of him, heard Justin talk about him, learned his name. Not Brian. He got up and left every time the conversation threatened to go that way; he blocked out every reference to that man; he refused to even be told what his name was.

That man was Mr. Perfect in Brian’s mind, and he simply refused to acknowledge anything that might concern him or his relationship with Justin.

Maybe that was Brian’s first mistake, but it was too soon to take that into consideration.

*

One night, two years after the last night he and Justin had spent together, Brian was coming back from Babylon after the most unsatisfying blowjob history had ever seen. He slid the door open and was greeted by the sight of Justin coming down the steps of his bedroom.

“Hey,” Justin said, smiling softly.

“Hey,” was Brian’s reply. “Everything ok?”

“Yeah, fine. I… Fuck, this is hard.”

“It’s always hard,” was Brian’s predictable response, but this time it lacked the usual sarcasm and was said in an almost gentle way, as if Brian was trying to make things easier for Justin.

The smile returned on Justin’s lips and he spoke again. 

“It’s over. You know, with him. I… well let’s just say I realized that what I had was not what I wanted. No matter how nice it was. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t… _you_.” And with that, Justin looked at Brian wistfully.

Brian closed his eyes, feeling for the first time that he could breathe more easily, wondering if the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders. When he reopened them, Justin was right in front of him, a hand on Brian’s chest.

“Your choice, isn’t it?” Brian said.

“Yes, it’s my choice. _This_ is my choice, Brian. The only one I could ever make, the only one that could make me happy. I know that now. But is it _your_ choice, too?”

Brian’s answer was to hold Justin tight to his chest and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

Later that night, while he was buried deep into Justin’s ass, eyes in eyes, hands in hands, Brian found himself bidding his farewell to Mr. Perfect and giving him a mental finger. ‘So long, fucker.’

And that, definitely, was Brian’s second mistake.

Part 2

The following year saw Brian and Justin once again getting as close as they were before Mr. Perfect had made his entrance in their lives. Justin remained in New York for the first five months, to ensure all his connections were in place and he could maintain them even from afar, and then came back to Pittsburgh where he was greeted – much to Brian’s dismay, who claimed not to understand why they couldn’t ‘just go to the loft and fuck’ – by the biggest, loudest and fattest of Debbie’s dinners.

Everyone was happy to have Justin home, Justin was happy to be home and be able to fly to New York when he was needed, and, despite all his complaints, Brian had never smiled more in his entire life. Even if he glared to everyone who dared to point this out to him.

*

Life, as it usually happens, just seemed to go back on the old track. Justin bought a studio space with the money he had earned from selling four of his pieces in a New York show, and Brian spent two times the amount Justin paid for the studio to furnish it, decorate it, and to ensure it had a bomb-proof alarm system. Justin complained for a while, and then ended up fucking Brian on the very expensive bed his lover had insisted to buy for the studio because ‘you never know when your partner might pop in for a visit, Sunshine.’

Kinnetik’s art department benefitted now from the much appreciated artistic’s eye of the Boss’s partner. And everyone, Boss included, was really happy about the arrangement. The art department breathed a sigh of relief now that they could have Justin as a referent, albeit a part-time one; Brian breathed a sigh of relief now that he could count on someone that wouldn’t fuck with the art of his ads.

Justin’s art was beginning to get the recognition it deserved and he flew to New York once a month to keep contact with the galleries exposing his canvasses and to prepare his coming solo. He also still worked with Michael on _Rage_ and their comic was having a lot of success nationwide.

Life was back on track. Actually, it was even better.

***

After a particularly long day at Kinnetik, Brian was feeling the need to spend a night at Babylon and so he called Justin at his studio and asked him to meet him there. After arranging to meet with Justin at the club, Brian went home, changed his Armani with tight black jeans and a black silk shirt, and headed out.

Arriving at Babylon, Brian did his usual check and talked with the manager he had hired ensuring everything was taken care of and business was going good. Then he situated himself by the bar, ordered a JB, and amused himself scanning the crowd while waiting for Justin to arrive.

Leaning against the bar not too far from Brian was an extremely good looking guy. Light brown hair, green eyes, sharp cheekbones, full lips. His chest was toned and hugged closely by a tight blue shirt; he had muscled arms and his hands, alike those of a piano player, were holding a bottle of beer. From the position where he was, Brian couldn’t really see much of the lower part of the guy’s body. He could only spot that he was wearing black leather pants and that his thighs were muscled, too. That was definitely a guy able to catch Brian’s eye – and to interest Brian’s cock.

The man looked in Brian’s direction and their eyes locked. Brian raised an eyebrow and roamed the man’s body with a bored but appreciative look. He wasn’t really on the prowl that night, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to waste some time flirting while he waited for Justin to arrive. The man reciprocated the look and then, after downing the rest of his beer, rested the bottle on the bar and approached Brian.

Brian looked at the man while he walked towards him and could clearly see the outline of the man’s cock through the tight pants. His own cock gave an interested twitch, but Brian was not in the mood to indulge it with anyone but Justin that night. 

“Hey,” the man shouted in Brian’s ear to make sure Brian heard him through the loud music. He was almost as tall as Brian, but he still had to lean up to reach Brian’s ear.

Brian gave him a short nod and let the man conduct the game.

“You want another one of those?” The man asked pointing to Brian’s now empty glass. 

“You’re new around here, aren’t you?” was Brian’s amused reply.

“Yeah. Why?”

Instead of replying, Brian turned towards the barman and ordered. “Another JB for me, Nick. And get this man another beer. On the house.” Then turned towards the man and smirked.

The guy smiled, gave a curt nod acknowledging his ‘mistake’, then said “I’m Adrian.”

“You don’t say,” was Brian’s sarcastic reply.

The man laughed, green eyes sparkling with amusement and, not at all discouraged by Brian’s attitude, said “So don’t I get to know who I have to thank for the beer?” 

Brian had to give him credit, this Adrian guy was persistent. And ballsy. “Brian,” he replied after a while.

“So, Brian,” Adrian continued smiling, “wanna dance?”

Brian raised an eyebrow and answered simply “No.”

Adrian got really close to Brian, his cock pressed against Brian’s hip, his voice deep and full of promise, and whispered in Brian’s ear, “Wanna fuck?”

Brian had to admit he was tempted, and he possibly would have caved and allowed the guy to blow him in the backroom if at that moment he hadn’t spotted a blond head coming towards him.

“Sorry,” Brian said and then shot back his JB, abandoned the glass and the man behind, and walked towards Justin. Once he had reached him, Brian pulled Justin tight against his chest and proceeded to ravage his mouth thoroughly.

Interrupting the kiss, Brian said to a very dizzy looking Justin, “I know I said I wanted to dance tonight, but I’m tired of Babylon already. Let’s go home and fuck all night long.”

Justin was only too happy to oblige and they went out together, arms locked behind each other’s backs.

None of them noticed the way Adrian, now standing alone at the bar, was watching their retreat; and so they also failed to see his pensive look and his smile.

*** 

A couple of days later, Brian was sitting in a booth at the Diner finishing his coffee. He was alone because Justin had to make a quick stop to the bathroom, but the crumbs of Justin’s breakfast were still visible all over the table. The shadow of a man suddenly obscured the paper he was reading, and Brian raised his head ready to ask whoever it was to fuck off.

The guy he saw looked familiar but Brian couldn’t be bothered to search his memory for someone who was probably just a past fuck. “Would you mind removing yourself from the light? I’m trying to read here.” And with that, Brian resumed his reading.

“Hi, Brian,” was the response he got.

Sighing, Brian folded back his paper and raised his head once again. “Hi. And you are?”

The man laughed. “This has to be the first time I don’t make a lasting impression. I’m Adrian, we met last night at Babylon, remember? You offered me a beer.”

“Oh, yeah,” Brian said, disinterest clear in his voice because let’s face it, the guy was hot and Brian remembered him now, but he wasn't about to let him believe he had made a ‘lasting impression’ on _him_.

“Are you alone? May I sit with you?” Adrian said, surprising Brian once again about how he didn’t ever seem to be put off by Brian’s behaviour.

Before Brian could reply though, another voice spoke. And that was the moment when everything changed.

“Adrian?”

Brian could clearly hear the surprise in Justin’s voice, and his eyes went from his lover to the green eyed man that was now smiling warmly at Justin.

“Hey, Jus. I was hoping to run into you sooner or later.” Adrian’s voice was syrupy sweet and Brian wondered briefly if he might get a cavity just from hearing it.

“How come you’re here, Adrian?” Justin was smiling, clearly happy to see that man.

“I have business in Pittsburgh. I’ll be here for a couple of weeks at least. This city is… interesting.” Adrian said. And he looked at Brian, who in the meantime had gotten up and off the booth and was staring at him with darkened eyes.

“You two have met?” Justin asked puzzled.

“Yeah,” Adrian spoke before Brian could. “We met a couple of nights ago in Brian’s club.”

Brian had had enough. “Yeah, he wanted to fuck me, I told him to fuck off. But tell me, Sonny Boy, how did you _two_ meet, instead?”

Justin’s cheeks colored slightly and then he simply said, “We met in New York. You know, we were…”

And just like that Brian knew. 

Hot, green eyed, ballsy Adrian who tried, almost successfully, to fuck Brian, was none other than Justin’s Mr. Perfect.

Part 3

Adrian Stevens was a photographer, and a damn good one if he could say so himself. He had met Justin at one of his showings and had been instinctively attracted by that beautiful blue eyed boy, with a sexy body and an even sexier mind. To be completely honest, Adrian had been looking just for a nice fuck buddy at first, but once he got to know Justin better, once he got to know his artistic taste and his witty sense of humour, he had started to appreciate him like a friend and not only a fuckable ass.

Adrian had only had one important relationship in his life, a relationship that had ended in tears, so now, at almost thirty years old, he had decided to take things as they came and not throw himself too easily and too deeply into a story. When he had met Justin, Adrian had started to fall in love but there had always been something in Justin, something that had made him wary. Something that had made him think he needed to protect his heart. Something that had convinced Adrian that Justin wasn’t going to stay in his life for long. 

The same ‘something’ that answered Justin’s phone calls and emails, and stole him away from Adrian with just a few words.

It turned out he was onto that something. One day, after they’d been together for almost a year, and after Justin had been living with him for six months, Adrian had come home to find it immersed in darkness. And once he had switched on the light, he had seen Justin standing in front of the large living room window, looking out with a faraway look on his face.

“Jus? Is there something wrong?” Adrian had asked, worried.

Justin had turned away from the window and his pensive eyes had fixed on Adrian. “Do you have everything you want, Adrian? Do you feel like you’re living the life you want to live?” had been Justin’s question.

“No one can really have _everything_ they want, Justin. You can have some of the things you want, you can be content with what you have and live a good life. But, of course, if you can’t be happy about that, if you think you’re not living the life you want for yourself… you should at least try to find a way to change things, to reach out and take what you need.” Adrian paused for a brief moment, his eyes fixed on Justin’s face. “Is that what you’re feeling now? Is there something you’re missing?” Adrian had never been one to turn around things. Honesty and straightforwardness had always been two of his merits. 

Justin had sighed, his face had turned again towards the window and he had just stood there for a moment. Thinking, measuring his words, maybe; and then he had talked again.

“I _am_ missing something, Adrian. The time I spent with you has been very nice and I care about you. You’re a good man and a great friend and I wouldn’t change a moment of our relationship. But as much as I try… you’re not the man I love. I don’t know what I was thinking, I have no idea why I thought I could love another man when my heart has belonged to someone since I was 17. The last thing I’d want to do is hurt you but… I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t live a life that’s not mine. Do you understand that?” Justin’s eyes were pleading and, even if he knew he wasn’t saying all that to hurt him, Adrian couldn’t help the twist of pain he felt in his heart at the thought that he was about to watch Justin walk out of his life.

“I understand, Justin. It’s _him_ you miss, isn’t it? I knew it. I knew it every time you called him and then smiled for an hour; I knew it every time he replied to one of your emails and you acted like you’d gotten the most beautiful gift in the world. I knew it, even if I pretended not to. You’re going back to him, aren’t you?” Adrian’s words were not bitter, or angry, he just wanted to know. He wanted Justin to be as honest as he had always been.

“Yes, I’m going back to Brian,” Justin had said, looking down. And then, as if in an afterthought, he had added, “If he’ll have me.”

Adrian’s laugh had startled Justin who had looked up, puzzled. “Come on, Justin, you really do know the answer to that, don’t you?”

And just like that, the tension had left Justin’s body and he had laughed, and had kept laughing long after Adrian had stopped. In that moment, Adrian had observed Justin closely and what he had seen had convinced him once and for all that Justin was not his, never had been, never could be. Watching the relief flooding Justin at the thought that he was about to get back the man he loved, Adrian had realized that he could have Justin as a friend for as long as he wanted, but the other man, that Brian, was the only one who could have Justin’s heart.

Justin had left soon after that, saying he had a plane to catch, but the two of them had parted in more than friendly terms and they had kept in contact once Justin had come back from Pittsburgh for a few months, after he had reunited with his Brian.

Adrian had lost a lover, but he had no intention of losing a friend.

***

When, one year later, he arrived in Pittsburgh for a showing of his latest photographs, Adrian didn’t have any plans. He had thought about calling Justin for a meet up, but he decided to enjoy the gay life for a while before doing that. 

Two nights after his arrival, Adrian was spending some time in the most famous gay club of the city when he had seen a gorgeous man looking at him with a mildly interested, albeit a tad bored, look. Never one to refuse a challenge – or a hot guy – Adrian had approached the man and started a conversation. He had never, not even for a minute, not even when the guy had told him his name was Brian, thought he could have met Justin’s partner. That is until Justin showed up and he was unceremoniously dumped and left there to stare at the two of them practically fucking on the dance floor. 

Adrian decided he definitely couldn’t blame Justin for being head over heels for that man. He also decided he needed to know some more about Brian… because if it was true that he couldn’t claim Justin for himself anymore, and he was perfectly aware of that, it was also true that he had to spend two weeks in Pittsburgh and maybe a threesome couldn’t be so out of the way.

Smiling, Adrian had finished his second beer and had proceeded gathering information about Brian. Gaining a couple of blowjobs and a willing ass in the process.

*

Brian Kinney apparently was an habitué of the Liberty Diner, so Adrian made a point of having breakfast there every morning. On the third morning he was lucky; he spotted Brian there sitting alone in a booth, reading.

Adrian had just started talking with Brian, who, by the way, looked even better in the morning light dressed in a black suit and red shirt, when he was interrupted by Justin’s arrival. He was genuinely pleased to see his friend but he had to admit he also was more than a little amused by the situation he was witnessing. Justin was surprised to see him and even more surprised to know he had met Brian (even if to be honest he didn’t seem to be entirely happy to know he had tried to get into Brian’s pants), Brian was… well for a moment there Adrian thought to see a flash of anger in Brian’s eyes but it quickly disappeared replaced by a bored look.

Justin had just started telling Brian how he and Adrian had met, when Brian interrupted him with a quick “whatever, I’m late for a presentation. Enjoy catching up with your little friend, Sunshine,” and then left. Justin rolled his eyes, sighed, then gestured for Adrian to sit down in the booth Brian had just vacated and the two of them spent a pleasant hour talking about the latest New York news.

Adrian also invited Justin to go with him to the gallery that was showing his photos, so that he could lend him his artistic eye and help him find the best array for them. Justin was happy to go, happy to help, happy to see a preview of Adrian’s latest work. 

So happy that he spent the next three days helping Adrian set up his show. And this, Adrian was about to discover, wasn’t something Brian Kinney appreciated.

Part 4

For the first time in days, Brian didn’t come home to an empty loft. The lights were on, music was playing in the background, and a blond head was lowered on a sketchbook, its owner sitting on the couch intent on drawing what could possibly be his next masterpiece. Hearing Brian laying his briefcase down on his desk, that same head lifted up and a smile graced the features of the sitting artist.

“Hey, Brian,” Justin said abandoning his sketchbook and rising from the couch.

Brian nodded in Justin’s direction then proceeded towards the bedroom. With a sigh, Justin followed his partner and, once they were both standing in front of the open door of the bathroom, Brian’s back to Justin, he helped him out of his jacket, threw it on the bed then slid his hands on Brian’s chest caressing him.

Brian relaxed for a moment in Justin’s touch, allowing him to hug his chest from behind, then grabbed Justin’s hands and pulled away from his embrace.

“I need a shower. I stink,” Brian said without turning around. 

“Need help cleaning something in particular?” came Justin’s teasing reply.

“Don’t you have somewhere you need to be today?” Brian’s voice was sarcastic and a bit cold, and when Justin replied that no, he didn’t have anywhere else he needed or wanted to be, Brian looked at him from behind his shoulder and continued, “Doesn’t your little New York friend need to use your _eye_ for one of his pictures? One would think he never had a showing in his life since he’s not really able to find a suitable arrangement for his work by himself.”

“Brian. Adrian and I are friends, I like his work and I happen to be flattered by the fact that he appreciates and wants my help for his exhibit. I know we never talked about him, but you didn’t seem to be interested and I didn’t want to push… after all you never wanted to know anything about him in the past. Anyway, I’m more than willing to discuss things with you and if you don’t like that I help him out… maybe you could just say that?” Justin said all this calmly and without hesitation, even if Brian was clearly able to detect a note of exasperation in his voice.

“Whatever. I don’t care about your friend and no, I don’t want to ‘discuss him’ with you. Furthermore, I have absolutely no problem with you getting reacquainted with him and helping him out with his ‘widdle’ show.”

“Then what do you want, Brian?”

“I think I made that fairly obvious, Sunshine. I want to take a shower now. And then I’ll possibly go to Woody’s for a drink or two.” And with that, Brian entered the bathroom and did something he had never done since cancer. He slid the door closed behind his back.

*  
Justin had tried to talk with Brian again once he had finished showering and had come to the bedroom to dress, but all he was able to get out of him had been grunts or smirks and so he had given up, gone back to the couch and started sketching again. His head, once again lowered on the paper, hadn’t risen when the door of the loft had closed behind Brian’s back… but his hand hadn’t been able to draw a single line anymore.

It was obvious Brian was bothered by the time Justin spent with Adrian and, Justin thought, he should have realized things were going out of hand sooner maybe. But he wasn’t really doing anything wrong and anyway would it kill Brian to open his mouth and _say_ something? Apparently cold shoulders and big exits were Brian’s way of showing that something was wrong. And was Justin really surprised?

Sighing, Justin went back with his mind to the time he had spent with Adrian, both in New York and in Pittsburgh.

Adrian’s arrival had caught Justin by surprise. He had been too busy with his life and with Brian to actually keep in touch with his ex-lover/present-friend, and so he had no idea Adrian had a showing in Pittsburgh. To be honest, Justin had to admit he was happy to see Adrian. They had shared something important and were now good friends. Adrian had been a fundamental step in Justin’s life. He was a nice guy; good looking, talented, great in bed (even if, Justin had no troubles admitting it, he wasn’t nearly as good as Brian… or maybe he just hadn’t had as many experiences as Brian had) and a fantastic company. Living with him had been enriching, fun, exciting.

Justin had frequently asked himself why, despite all that, he had never been able to feel at home in Adrian’s life. The year they’d spent together had been full of amazing, happy things. And yet the only times when Justin had truly smiled one of his, as Debbie called them, Sunshine smiles, had been the ones when he had talked to Brian on the phone.

Now Justin thought about that year as a long journey home. Sometimes you needed to live another life to realize that what you wanted, what you needed, what you desired, was to get back your _own_ life. Adrian had been Justin’s other life, and he also had been the one to prove to Justin that he couldn’t be happy with another man, no matter how wonderful that man could be. During that year, Justin had come to the realization that Brian could never be just a friend to him.

And that was the difference between the two men. Adrian had been Justin’s lover and was now just a friend, a dear friend, one that Justin hoped to have in his life for a long time. Brian had been a friend of sort for Justin for _one_ year… and, Justin knew that now, he could never be only that for his whole life. When he tried to imagine his future, Justin always saw Brian as more, a lot more than a simple friend.

The sketchbook he was holding fell from Justin’s hands when he rose suddenly from the couch. Maybe that was all he needed to tell to Brian to make him see things with his eyes. Maybe he didn’t have to address his relationship with Adrian, something he knew Brian would never let him do, if he could just make Brian understand the deep difference the two men had in Justin’s life.

Decision made, Justin grabbed his jacket, slid on his shoes and went out. 

*** 

It was a slow night at Woody’s, and Brian was sitting alone at one of the tables nursing a beer. He was lost in thought and had replied with just a vague wave of his hand to everyone who had tried to approach him. He had yet to decide if he wanted to call Mikey and shoot some pool with him, drink himself stupid or find two or three guys to drag in the back alley for an elaborate blowjob session. For the moment Brian just sat there, drinking his beer and thinking.

A man, obviously bolder than all the others, suddenly pulled up a chair and sat in front of him. Brian sighed and looked at the guy, ready to dismiss him with a very disinterested ‘Fuck off’. Once his hazel eyes fixed on amused green ones though, Brian decided that maybe he was about to need to order something stronger than a beer.

“Well hello, Brian. You really are a difficult man to meet alone, aren’t you?” Adrian was smiling and his eyes winked at Brian. 

“Alan. Don’t you have to play with your camera tonight?”

“It’s _Adrian_ ,” Adrian replied, the smile still firmly on his lips, “and no, I’m all free and _available_ tonight.”

“Whatever. Why don’t you go bother someone else and see if they are interested in your availability?” Brian’s tone of voice and his raised eyebrow that often were enough to discourage anyone from bothering him further, seemed to be a waste with this guy.

“You seemed pretty interested the first night we met, Brian. I could see your cock hard through your pants… and it was all for me, wasn’t it? So why are you acting like this now? Is it because of Justin?” Adrian went straight to the point as he usually did. No reason to fool around, was there?

“What makes you think Justin has anything to do with me not wanting to fuck your lousy ass, _Alan_? Better yet, what makes you think _Justin_ has anything to do with you?” 

Brian felt a great satisfaction seeing the irritating smile leave Adrian’s face. But unfortunately his satisfaction was short lived.

“I had no idea you were the jealous type, Brian. And I didn’t think you resented Justin spending time with me so much. You know you could have just said so, right?” 

Worse than the condescending words, Brian thought, was the fucking understanding and gentleness he could see in the asshole’s eyes!

“I don’t usually _resent_ things and I have absolutely no problem with Justin helping you with your little presentation. Don’t give yourself too much credit. You’re not that important.” Brian had no intention of articulating further, he was definitely not there to _share_ with this man.

But Adrian had not finished yet. “That’s how things should be, really. But I don’t think they are. Brian, Justin and I are nothing more than friends…” Adrian’s hand shot out to grab Brian’s arm when he started to get up and leave. “Listen to me, don’t run away.” Adrian said.

Brian violently shook off Adrian’s hand and glared at him. However, he complied and sat back once again. “I don’t run. I just don’t see why I should stay here wasting my time listening to _you_ any more than I already did.” 

“Because we have one thing in common. We both care about Justin and we both want to see him happy. Isn’t that so?” Only a stubborn silence and a closed off expression met Adrian’s question, so he went on. “Justin and I are friends, and we could never be anything more. We tried. Well, I tried, but it didn’t work out. I care about him, I love him and a part of me always will, but I know I can never have him in _that_ way again. I know that, Justin knows that. I truly thought you knew that too, Brian. To be honest,” Adrian’s voice lowered and became seductive once again, “To be honest, I’m much more interested in fucking you than him. Even if I’d be a fool not to admit a threesome crossed my mind more than once. I jerk off at night thinking about it, actually.”

Adrian stopped and his hand crept closer to Brian’s. His fingers caressed Brian’s ones slightly and he resumed his seductive speech. “Don’t tell me you’re not tempted… just imagine your cock in my mouth while Justin fucks me from behind. Or your cock buried deep inside me while Justin sits on my face. The possibilities are endless. Aren’t you even a little bit tempted, Brian?”

Brian had just opened his mouth to give the guy a sarcastic reply, but another voice came from behind him. Justin’s voice.

“I think that’s enough, Adrian. If you don’t mind I have something to discuss with my partner now, so I’d appreciate you leaving us alone.” Justin’s voice was firm and resolute.

Adrian got up from his chair and started for the door, but while passing Justin he couldn’t resist and asked, “Aren’t you going to consider my offer, Jus?”

Justin looked at him and, smiling coldly, replied, “Brian and I will talk about it and get back to you. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for our answer though.” And with that, Justin sat on the chair Adrian had just vacated and watched Adrian’s exit from his sitting position.

Turning his eyes on Brian, Justin realized he was being stared at by pensive hazel eyes. “I heard what he said, Brian. He was right, you know.”

“About the possibilities of a threesome being endless? I thought I had proven it to you many times by now, Sunshine.”

Hearing the sarcasm in Brian’s voice, Justin smiled tightly before continuing talking. “No, you asshole. About me and him being just friends, about him not having any chance of ever being something more for me again, about both of us being perfectly aware of that. About me not loving him that way. He was right. He’s a friend, I fucked him for a year and now he’s a friend. Unlike you, who’ve been _just_ a friend for me for a year making me realize that what I feel for you could never allow me to think about you as just that ever again. Can you see where I’m going with this, Brian?”

“Not in his bed, apparently,” Brian replied smirking, making Justin roll his eyes.

“Can’t you be serious for just one minute?” Justin said, looking intently at Brian.

“Yeah, I can see where you’re going with that,” Brian sighed. “I knew you weren’t fucking him, Justin, and I guess part of me knew that what he was really interested in was fucking me, but… all right, maybe I’ve been an asshole over this whole thing. Nothing surprising here.”

“You haven’t been an asshole, Brian. You were just…”

“If you’re planning on ending that sentence with something that even vaguely resembles the words ‘jealous’, ‘insecure’ or ‘possessive’, I swear I’ll have to reconsider my plan of bringing you home and fuck your ass for hours.” Brian said glaring.

Laughing, Justin replied, “Hmm, that doesn’t leave much room for conversation actually. So tell me, which words would get me fucked?”

Brian downed the beer, abandoned the bottle on the table, then offered his hand to Justin. Justin took it and the two of them rose from the table. Brian pulled Justin in his arms and whispered, “Since when do you need to use words to get me to fuck you?”

Words proved indeed to be highly overrated when Justin lifted his head, his lips met Brian’s hungry ones and they stood there, locked in a kiss that left them, and all the staring men at Woody’s, breathless. 

“Your cock is really hard,” Justin moaned on Brian’s lips.

“You planning on doing something about it?”

“Oh, I have lots of things in mind for it. Take me home so that I can show you how many.”

That definitely was a plan to Brian’s likings.

Part 5

“You know, it was good to find out that while self-pity makes your dick soft, jealousy seems to make it really really hard,” Justin said smiling and fondling Brian’s cock through his pants while the two of them rode the elevator to the loft’s floor.

“Who said anything about being jealous? I didn’t. And you didn’t either, Sonny Boy, or are we forgetting something?”

Justin laughed hotly against Brian’s lips and kissed him hard. 

The elevator came to a halt and they started towards the door. Justin entered first and the minute the door slid closed, he pushed Brian against it, attacked his lips again and pulled off Brian’s shirt throwing it on the floor. Brian’s breath was ragged when Justin released his lips and started to lick his way down the now naked chest of his lover. Brian’s hands cupped Justin’s head while one of his nipples was engulfed by the hot mouth of his lover, and he moaned loudly.

Without stopping taking care of Brian’s nipple, Justin opened Brian’s pants and slipped his hand inside to caress the erection he had felt ever since they were still at Woody’s. Brian gasped and threw his head back, eyes closed and mouth open in a silent scream. Justin’s mouth released Brian’s now perked nipple, hand still working on his cock, and he admired the sexy picture an aroused Brian made.

Feeling Justin’s eyes on him, Brian looked at his partner and smiled. “See something you like, Sunshine?”

“Oh I see and _feel_ many things I like,” Justin’s last words were accompanied by a firm squeeze of Brian’s cock that elicited a strangled sound out of Brian’s mouth.

“Don’t you intend to _taste_ something too?” Brian replied, a bit out of breath and raising his eyebrows suggestively.

With a laugh, Justin dropped to his knees and lowered with one swift movement both Brian’s pants and his underwear letting his erection free. At the feeling of Justin’s mouth on him, his tongue caressing his flesh like only Justin knew how to do, Brian closed his eyes and let himself relax for the first time since Mr. Perfect had made an appearance in their lives.

All coherent thoughts left Brian’s mind and he allowed Justin to suck the tension out of his body through his cock. 

Brian’s hands held Justin’s head, his fingers entwined in his blond locks, guiding him while he bobbed up and down on his cock. He was moaning uncontrollably and he could feel Justin smile around him, proud of always being able to elicit such a strong, _free_ , reaction from Brian. 

Justin gripped Brian’s hips with one hand, while the other was stretched up on Brian’s chest, and prepared himself to receive Brian’s orgasm. When it happened, it came with an explosion of colors behind Brian’s eyelids, and with Justin’s name shouted out of his mouth. 

Releasing Brian’s now softening cock, Justin rose and kissed his way up to Brian’s mouth which was open and still panting heavily. The two of them kissed hotly and passionately, Justin grinding his still hard cock on Brian’s leg.

“I love watching you like this,” Justin said, kissing Brian’s neck.

“Like what?” was Brian’s breathless reply.

“Abandoned, satisfied, spent. Open.”

“If you’re planning on ‘opening’ something else, Sunshine, you better think again,” Brian arched his eyebrow and stuck his tongue in his cheek.

Laughing, Justin replied, “You can act like you don’t enjoy it but we both know it’s not true, Brian.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that little boy.”

Justin thrust his cock against Brian’s one, which gave a more than interested twitch in response, and said, “Not so little, actually.”

Brian’s hands cupped Justin’s ass and he stroked his now renewing erection on Justin’s jean-clad one. They exchanged panting, sloppy kisses for a while, before Brian had enough and ordered, “Naked. Bed. Now.”

“Yessir!” An amused but very willing Justin replied, and they made their way towards the bedroom.

*

“I’m not the ‘open’ one now, Sunshine, am I?” Brian’s amused voice came to interrupt the litany of ‘yes, God, yes, there, more, please, more’ that had until now filled Justin’s head while he lay face down on the bed, legs spread and Brian’s face buried in his ass.

“Uh?” was all Justin could muster in that situation.

“Open, Justin, remember? Who’s open now?”

“Why are you so fixed on that word, Brian? What’s wrong with being open? And I don’t mean your ass so don’t even start.”

“Who said there’s something wrong? It was just a joke. Stop taking everything so seriously,” Brian replied a bit pissy, before resuming his previous, definitely more pleasurable, task.

But Justin was having none of that (well not right that moment) so he said “wait,” and turned around on the bed to face his lover.

“Tired of being rimmed, Sunshine? No problem, we can go right ahead on the main event,” and with these words Brian leaned towards his bedside table to grab a condom.

“Wait,” Justin repeated, stopping Brian’s movement with one hand and forcing him to look at him by grabbing his chin with the other. “I don’t think I’m the one taking things too seriously here. Maybe I was wrong assuming we were fine after what happened with Adrian at Woody’s. Maybe we do need to talk about it.”

“I don’t _need_ to talk, Justin. If you wanna fuck that’s fine by me, otherwise go talk to your little Alan friend.” Brian tore his face away from Justin’s grip and sat there glaring at him.

Those words and Adrian’s name intentionally said wrong made Justin smile, and proved to him that Brian’s jealousy, although he knew better than to call it that out loud, definitely hadn’t been settled by their conversation at Woody’s nor by the recent blowjob. 

“You were saying that you weren’t the ‘open’ one just a moment ago, that _I_ was. And you were right, I was. I always am with you and if sometimes it doesn’t show, if sometimes you doubt it, I need to know it. I can’t always guess by your charming personality's change. I’m on to you, always have been, but sometimes a hint would be nice.” 

Justin looked pointedly at Brian before continuing, “I won’t talk about Adrian, Brian. But there’s one thing related to him that you should know, that I should tell you to be completely open with you once again. Can you listen to me now so that we can go back to more pleasant activities soon?”

A grunt was all the reply he got, but Brian was looking at him intently so Justin took it as an affirmative reply.

“Being with Adrian taught me one thing. Sometimes you need to live a completely different life to realize that what you want is to go back to your own life. I did just that, I lived a life that wasn’t my own and the only thing I got from that was the knowledge that this,” Justin scooted closer to Brian until he was straddling his lap, and kissed him softly, “is what I want. This is my life and I don’t need anything nor anyone else.”

Hazel eyes fixed themselves on blue, _open_ ones for a long time, and then Brian nodded and leaned his forehead against Justin’s, holding him close.

“Fine, you’re open now. But you’re still not getting into my ass, little twat,” Brian said smirking.

“Asshole,” laughed Justin, “why don’t you hurry up and get into mine then?”

Brian obliged and, only a few minutes later, his condom-covered cock was entering Justin making him moan loudly. Brian laid himself completely on Justin, covering him from chest to groin, and Justin wrapped himself up around Brian, legs clutching his hips, arms hugging his neck.

Their movements were perfectly synchronized, their bodies moving together almost like in a choreography they had rehearsed many times, and they seemed to even breathe and moan at the same pace. Brian thrust hard inside Justin, using all the strength he had and forcing Justin to adapt to his frantic rhythm, back arching to meet every forceful thrust.

Eyes locked with Justin’s, Brian let his lover see everything in them, showing him he maybe still was, and possibly would always be, unable to be as open as Justin was with words, but he was willing to reveal himself to Justin like this. With his cock inside him. With sweat running down his spine and brow and chest. With his body so close to Justin’s that they had troubles remembering where one ended and the other began. With his eyes glazed in pleasure and holding everything Brian felt for Justin.

Justin saw everything, and a single tear left his eye and ran down his cheek. Brian reverently followed the tear’s trail with his tongue and that was the moment when Justin came, screaming, hugging Brian impossibly close, clenching his muscles around Brian’s flesh and drawing the climax out of him too. 

They laid there, one on top of the other, breathing heavily, satisfied and spent, for what seemed like hours but were probably just a few minutes, until Brian moved to slide out of Justin and removed his condom, throwing it in the can beside the bed. When Brian laid back on the bed, Justin snuggled closer on his side and kissed his chest.

“Thank you,” Justin mumbled into Brian’s chest.

Brian’s only answer was to hug Justin tight to his side and bury his face in Justin’s hair.

Before letting sleep take him, Justin thought that the journey he had began the day he had left for New York, the journey that had brought him many different places and given him many different experiences, had truly come to an end only that night, in that bed. This, Justin mused, is where I get back my own life.

And this time, he was sure, Brian knew it too.


End file.
